Saturday April 9, No Cookout Day
There was one epic event this week – I hit a bucket of golf balls at the driving range. I didn’t hit them far, or straight, but I hit them. Had to swing easy, but that’s OK in golf, don’t watch Tiger Woods if you want to score because you are not him. If you or I swing like Tiger the ball will go sideways, trust me. It was good to get out to the range. Same old stuff too, Jack the golf coach could not shut up with the tips, and they are usually spot on, but give me a break, I barely have any muscles left. My legs were wobbling like a newborn colt’s half way through the bucket and I didn’t finish it, but it's a start. Next week, 9 holes, chemo take the hindmost.
After thinking about it quite a bit, it seems to me that my blood counts went down last week not in response to chemo, but really because of world attention deficit disorder (WADD). Everyone turned their attention to Terri Schiavo, then to the Pope, and here I am just now recovering from the low blood counts. Focus, people, focus.
Seriously, my counts are back, but the blood is still in the neutropenic range, so it was smart to postpone the cookout. The doc thinks it is the cytoxan that hammered me the most, which I got on March 15 (beware the Ides). That means the nadir (low point) was at 10-20 days. I am ending Phase II-A just now, starting Phase II-B Tuesday, meaning same cycle for four more weeks, meaning cytoxan on Tuesday, spinal tap with methotrexate on Wednesday, and the pukey 6MP daily for 2 weeks. Therefore I can expect another nadir from around April 27 to May 5 or so.
Phase III will start on May 10, kicking off with 12 days straight of cranial irradiation, to kill any leukemic bastards hiding in my skull, those nattering nabobs of negativity. That will probably not be a good time for a cookout. Maybe May 7 we can have a cookout? See how tricky this is? Anyone want to argue Intelligent Design?
Dana came home with a cold yesterday, so I am expecting to get sick, although I am still on antibiotics. Of course we all know antibiotics do nothing against the common cold. I am being obstinate and not wearing the HEPA mask, and she thinks the paper masks don’t do anything. She took the couch last night – I was going to take Mike’s top bunk, but he said I was too noisy. Kids are so understanding.
I am supposed to go camping tomorrow, overnighter to Plaskett Creek, about 70 miles north. No big hikes, no surfing, just play cribbage and bocce and drink a few beers. No alcohol with 6-MP, so I will be back on the no alcohol diet on Tuesday, but that’s no big deal. The doc wasn’t keen on the camping trip, but I have to get out of here at least every few weeks or I’ll go mental (more mental).
I have this great email from a friend that has finished chemo 2 ½ weeks ago – she says she is starting to feel great, has some energy, the world is looking up! Two months down, only 1 ½ years to go! The co-pays at $20/visit will total over $5K this year. Thankfully I am saving a fortune on gas by not going anywhere.
The Dark Side
My PC started giving me a lot of trouble this week. The drive that has my OS on it suddenly wouldn’t load, and this after I ran diagnostics on it twice. It had started to make that sick bearing noise, like an electric razor on tin foil, zzzzzttt....zzzzztttt, so I thought trouble was coming. Luckily I had all my photos, docs, and Quicken files on the other drive. Well, I farted around with Windows XP, trying to repair, reinstall, recover, until I had worked myself into that dark side state I was prone to before chemo, and now with chemo, no energy, mild fever, bad sleep, numb hands and feet, look out Mama this boiler's gonna blow! I yanked that drive out of there and gave it a good body slam. Except, oops, wrong drive. Anyone want to argue intelligent design? God meant for me to be like this?
Through some miracle of extreme PC sarcasm, the OS drive did recover, but I have lost all photos since January and Quicken since Feb., and all my wife's second grade typed versions of poems. And I need a new drive. I am going to try to switch the platters between the 2 drives, which Seagate assures me is a formula for disaster, but I have already proven to be an idiot so why not. The OS drive is going, the bearing noise is still there, it just gave me a reprieve so it could laugh at me. So, no eyebrow lowbrow today.
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I was talking to Jeanne (in person for a change) and she seemed a little worried that you gave us a tough koan to comment to...
ReplyDeleteCan't get behind the intelligent design thing with so little evidence, can't go to barely evolved in spite of abundance of evidence because I don't want to; so figure there has to be a possibility you might not have considered yet...
poker dice?
some kind of angry cook-out voodoo interference that is tripping you as you smash balls and body-slam brains, all of which leaves all of us with no eyebrows?
Jeanne seemed amazed that there is life after all these barbaric attempts to preserve it--and yeah it is a long road. but if you look at all of it at once you'll be more mental than even me.
Where I walk at the beach there is an AA group meets at about my morning arrival time, and a lot of days I look at them and think--one day at a time, that's WAY too ambitious, isn't the next mile, half-mile, step enough?!
So John, random as it all is, a small shift in perception still might help a little. I am pretty sure that Terri and the Pope left this planet mainly to free more energy to be devoted to your recovery--it was distracting the way they did it, but ultimately inevitable that You Will Win.
Jeanne, I tried.
love,
Pat
John Da Man,
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear you were able to get to the range. Full bucket next time. Also good to hear the blood counts are doing well.
I'm a happy camper today kuz the Tiger Man prevailed. Sorry, can't take your advice on not hitting like Tiger. Hell, that would take half the fun out of it. At 55, still hittin 300 yard drives - some of which even land in the short grass once in a while. I won enough this weekend for 173 cans of cat food for the little furry buddies. Happy - Happy - Happy Kitties!!!
Body slammin the hard drive. WOW. Fiore's Laptop Bladejob on a HP. Ya oughta try to film that. The WWF may come knockin at the door to get you to be the Curtain Jerker for a main event.
And John . . . . Camping???????
There's somethin about critters crawlin up yer butt that never attracted me to such a pastime. Can't you think of more fun ways to get itchy testicles?
You're right. We were not focusing properly this past week. The Pope, Ms. Shiavo, Tiger at The Masters, and, lest we forget, the Not So Royal Wedding. The latter was a bit of a blowout. Even The Little Woman, who's from England, did not tune into that one. I hope Prince Charles does not end up with irritable Bowle(s) syndrome.
Hang in there for the cookout dude. The delay could actaully coincide with Paul Newman's production schedule to get some Ho-Spice ready for the event.
Keep us informed.
Mac
It seems time for 'the little woman' to let you know that I am always thinking of you and D. My other half has kept you up to date with us alls daan heare in native America.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit my eyes glazed with the puter aerobics but I sure enjoy all the updates.
Camping? Really? Holy Cow if you have aches and pains now.....? Whatever floats your WBC's.
May isn't good for us anyway so perhaps the cookout can wait 'til the South is sweating us OOS?
Huge hugs, love ya,
Chrissie
john
ReplyDeletegreat to hear you hit some golf balls. i am trying to follow the swing slow advice, but it only helps sometimes and the others , the ball goes where it wants. will need lots of coaching.
randy
you did good Pat, one day, one mile at a time not 1 1/2 years to go ....was what i was thinking - it is too much to look out too far. After all the yoga and meditation i have practiced, nothing kept me more in the moment than cancer treatment. I do prefer yoga to it though, just for the cosmic record..in case some orchestrator of our lives is listening.
ReplyDeleteJohn- if golf does it for you, that's cool....my aversion to the game is that we were a golf-widowed family, dad was in pro-am tours, and the poor guy had no one at home to play with. cribbage we played, gin rummy but not golf. ENJOY whatever you can without wearing yourself out.
jeanne