I just came back from the hospital where I had a blood test, but I won’t get the results for three hours, so I wait. I wore the old pink HEPA mask in the hospital, and that was probably smart although it cries out “This person has AIDS!” At first I thought that was just my weird thought, but I asked a number of people what they thought when they saw someone in the pink HEPA mask, and they all said AIDS. Think about it, and you realize how stupid that is. Why would you want to advertise what disease anyone has? And maybe it is all in my head, but it sure seems people react funny when I wear that thing, like I must be infectious. The outpatient room was pretty busy at French Hosp. today, maybe 15 people waiting, and you can feel the looks boring into your head.
On a side note, the NFL had to remove the word ‘gay’ from its list of words banned to go on jerseys, because Randall Gay was a member of the Patriots. What does it say about society when we ban perfectly good words because the ignorant attach stigmas to them?
What an ugly Saturday I had, filled with negative thinking and dark thoughts. The thought that I might have relapsed was eating me up, and I let it for a while. All the random pains that come with this disease, or do they just come from making it to 50, come to the front at times like that; knee pains, hip pains, various joint and bone pains, back pains, headaches, I was really focused on all my pains. Smart. And when you can’t get out of the house or really do anything, it’s hard to get distracted. Oh woe is me.
I’ve been running a low-grade fever (99.5) since Saturday, maybe psychosomatic, and the chills and sweats are annoying, but the fever is controllable with Tylenol. Had to sleep on a towel last night and change t-shirts twice, yuck.
Email quote of the day (I should really keep the quote of the day going because there is always a good one), from an old RI rocker with a little more hair than me:
“Let us know when the Stones and Elton John party will be. Maybe we can make that one. “
A joke, from www.thefurrymonkey.co.uk/jokes
A UNIQUE IRISH CELEBRATION*
An Irishman named Mike O'Leary went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Mike in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have a cancer known as Galloping Leukemia and it can't be cured. I give you two weeks to a month." Mike, who was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son, who had been waiting. Mike said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs, some tears, and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Mike's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Mike told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."The friends gave O'Leary their condolences and they all had a few more beers. After his friends left, Mike's son leaned over and whispered in confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS." Mike replied, "I am dying from cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
On a more serious note, this is the best site I have seen for explaining ALL and some of the odds:
http://adam.about.com/reports/000086.htm
And this is an interesting site that explains why the odds don’t matter:
http://www.cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html
Thought I’d be golfing today; still might get in 9 holes at the twilight rate and watch the NCAA finals with the boys, drink a beer or two.
Monday 6pm
It’s 6pm now, and I guess golfing is out, NCAA at home is in. We got the results of this am’s blood tests, and they are mixed but hopeful, I think. Platelets and reds are way up; WBCs are slightly down. My interpretation is that the chemo switch last week back to asparaginase and vincristine has slammed WBCs and they take longer to recover than reds and platelets. I did not talk to the doc, but he did not leave me any discouraging message, and I have a regular appointment tomorrow, so I think it’s all good news. I have to remind myself that this is a rocky road, and these chemo switches are going to have weird and nasty side effects. Don’t be surprised if I show my dark side, though.
I read today in some article discussing causes of cancer that since 1900 man has introduced 75,000 new synthetic compounds to the planet. And just think, they are giving me 1/4 of them as chemo, and another third as antibiotics.
I am beginning to think my Eyebrow Lowbrows are too small. I really liked the pic of Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul touring the universe looking at galaxies together, and I didn’t get one word from you people. Wasn’t anyone at least offended? So today I will make it larger. That is my board on the left, and my future as the Silver Surfer touring the universe, zapping stuff and looking at my favorite galaxies, on the right.
John
ReplyDeletean elderly man and his wife go to their dr. to get some test results from a recent appointment. the dr. appologizes for mixing up their records, tells them one has alzheimers, one has aids but he doesn't know which is which.
so the husband asks what are they supposed to do to find out?!
the dr. thinks it over and says why don't you drop your wife off halfway home... if she finds her way back, don't sleep with her.
cancer, aging, club Med., none of them are very funny--and being Irish myself (before I turned Italian) I am trained to advise it is not a bad thing to let the dark things out occasionally...
that way you and we all have something to shoot at from our highrise hunting lodges...
when you can't get to your regular routes, can you at least get out to that beautiful yard of yours? which I happen to know looks like a little piece of paradise since you were kind enough to send me the photo last time I was shoveling slush.
Randy's the doctor, not me--but the Pat Program would NEVER advise patience since to me it sounds like "get tall, why don't you" or "turn a different color"
BUT
you might be at a point where it would be ok to turn around and notice that you've come a hell of a long way in a short time and that (as I say approximately every 28 days) even prisoners get yard time!
if you can't wewax, attack weeds or something--and wear a hat you're probably photosensitive. speaking of which was that picture a fake, constructed just to make my frozen crocuses look worse?
we're all witch you, and sending love to Dana--Ran, you send some sanity I don't have any
p.
Hey, great Eyebrow Lowbrow today. If anyone can surf the galaxy - you can (hope that makes you feel better). It's hard to get a rise out of me concerning anything supernatural, since my only belief about the supernatural is that it's, well, probably only supernatural. Now that I think about it, that may have something to do with why I (tongue in cheek) feel so at home here in Alabama. "Is it worst still to be ignorant of your ignorance" - Saint Jerome.
ReplyDeleteMan, you're giving me ideas about using the pink HEPA mask. Shit, if people react like that, I'm gonna get one and wear it for golf. That could be a HUGE psyschotropic trip for the competitive game. Now that my chemo face has healed I can't use that one any longer. Need a new shtick.
And yeah, it's hard to compartmentalize the pains that come with the over 50 plateau. You know when you wake up next time, something's gonna hurt, you just don't know what, where or how much until you get outa bed.
It's pretty cool that Pat was able to change from Irish to Italian. How does one do that? I suspect it's much more complicated than simply starting to eat more pasta than cabbage and potatoes. And Pat, after all, why would you want to leave such a happy bunch of pub crawlers? Speaking of which - I was in the pub last night and I notice this woman sit next to Paddy O'Malley. Paddy says, "What's yer name?" She says, "Carmen, you know, like I like cars and I like men. So, what's yer name?" Paddy says, "Beerfuck."
Sorry.
Mac
Mac
ReplyDeleteit is not as complicated or even as supernatural as you might think--I started young when I noticed Mrs. Fiore's cooking didn't start with a can-opener, and it went from there in stages...until I find myself here at 50 with not only the stronger glasses, elastic clothes, and the surprising knowledge that it wasn't just the other people who would age, but an Italian husband who is listening to slack guitar in attempt to become Hawaiin and a thirteen year old gangsta son who told John not to worry, the hoods got his back.
Just takes a chameleon-like creativity which I suspect you might have, being that we're kar- ka- of a certain affinity.
I hope all this explains why it is taking me so long to learn southern so I can speak to you in Your adopted language, but I think this lil ol' blog thing is really heppin me.
John, even when you aren’t feeling well and the dark thoughts are creeping in, I am in awe at your ability to lift yourself above the dark thoughts and write something amusing/relevant/grammatically correct! I am also in awe of Pat and Mac’s ability to respond in ways that make me envious of the friendship and wit you all share! It reminds me to live each day with renewed reverence and thankfulness for the friends, family and life that I have.
ReplyDeleteLisa
i think the pat & mac show would be of great entertainment, i'd like to be around the day they meet! thanks John for your blog, i am on the other side of chemo now and the memory of the sweats, the sickness and all of that crap does leave qucikly once you feel good...but never deny the dark side, it is a tiger that needs to get out of the cage...it is the ying/yang you know, for balance in life. i am still sending reiki, hope iot helps even a little.
ReplyDeletejeanne