Every year at this time I realize I have too much stuff. It is so hard to get rid of items that have emotional meaning, simple things like softball t-shirts, or things that are nice and in good shape but that are just clogging my life and I'll never use again. So I have begun the process of emptying drawers and closets and garages of perfectly good stuff, and making my annual Goodwill donation. We have had many yard sales, and I know these clothes wouldn't be good items. It will be a little strange to see the transients downtown wearing my softball shirts.
It turns out I need organization, a lack of clutter, more than I need these old sentimental items. When we came home from Palo Alto with the final load of stuff on Monday, I was instantly stressed by how many of my things and processes had been tossed aside and overcome. We compounded this by taking a bunch of stuff to Palo Alto and now we had to reassimilate this stuff back into SLO.
It was as though I lived in a rain forest, and my kids were the Amazonian biota, overgrowing all trace of me in 3 months. Naturally I brought out the machete and started hacking my way clear, but I think my faulty clutch and stress level made for a less Merry Christmas than we might have had. I could have been more jolly.
To add to that, Dana has busted me on my propensity to fall back on cancer as an excuse to do nothing. I wrap in a blanket and read, or watch a movie, and I have no motivation. I am afraid I am waiting for the clearance from the doctors tomorrow, after last week's PET scan results and tomorrow's bone marrow biopsy, before I push myself to any great effort.
It is day 89, and the fact is even if there is some leukemia left in me, the fight isn't over. They will turn down the immunosuppressant and let the bone marrow loose to hunt down any remaining bastards, with the risk of triggering some graft vs. host response. So I have to get off my ass, clear out the clutter, hack my way through the jungle without any collateral damage and start a new routine. Tomorrow. Today is Sunday, a day of rest and NFL. Actually, I will finish clearing up the garage while I watch a game, because the garage is where the treadmill and gym are. Go Patriots! Go Jets!
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go John
ReplyDeletebe grateful for everything you can give away...
let there be light AND space!
it is tough to reclaim your territory, and the clearing process so therapeutic to the one with the machete not always too merry to the ones around him (or her--don't I KNOW it.
it is warm enough here to open windows which eases my claustrophobia enough that I don't jump out of them. that's a good thing, since--NO I can't say one story--the house has a lot of stories but not a second floor.
maybe you are beside yourself but you are probably also ahead of everybody else...getting ready for spring. let us know how day 90 goes
Dear John,
ReplyDeleteGood luck with day 90 testing. We're with you in spirit.
Love, Lisa
John Da Man,
ReplyDeleteIt’s day 90 and I’m sending many good thoughts and wishes your way. I feel confident you’ll return with a head full of plans to attain that clutterless environment you're yearning for. I think most of us know how you feel about that. With only Christine and I living under one roof, I think we have enough crap to furnish four households of families of five.
Hang in there my friend and good luck today.
Mac
Hey John,
ReplyDeletePatricia and I are sending prayers and cancer ass-kicking thoughts your way. We can't wait to celebrate your eventual triumph soon with you! Be strong, Bud. (and don't let any of that garage refuse slide down the street to my overflowing refuse sanctuary....)
Bruce