Rage, rage against the dying of the light

Outside my window is this barren space of decomposed granite. To the left is a walkway down to ground floor and an employee entrance. So when I sit in my window reading spot I can watch people come and go, but my landscaping really needs help. I need a shrubbery! Someone bring me a shrubbery! I am thinking a 10' Japanese red maple maybe, in a 5 gal. tub, maybe with some flowers planted at the base. Or a nice Jacaranda, or something that would attract birds. If I can get Dana to go get something from the local nursery I don't think anyone would notice if I just plopped it outside my window. I'll go out to the garage not 100' away and get it out of the car and bring it down. Maybe some gardener would come along and figure it was supposed to get planted there. In the worst case I will prune it way back and bring it home.

I wrote this letter to the editor of the Tribune 0n July 4th. This was in response to some man that had suggested we'd be better off if we went back to the time when it was a crime to criticize the government, because we were engaged in war (WWI) then as now. See http://www.sanluisobispo.com/182/story/408612.html, but I'll quote myself here:

John Canaday (Letters, July 3) longs for a return to the time when it was a crime to criticize the president. He can have his brand of patriotism today, in North Korea. In America, a true patriot loves our country and has the courage to speak out against injustice and attacks on our American Constitution.
When our government, sworn to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States,” instead did the exact opposite over the last seven years, the patriots in this country spoke out against those abuses and continue to do so.
Others choose to wrap themselves in flags and lapel pins and not consider the criminal actions of the current administration and the long-term damage to our country. Had they thought it through they’d realize that to be a patriot means
to love and defend your country, not your government.
When government abuses the powers it has been granted by the people and trashes our Constitution,
American patriots speak out and take action against those abuses. We do not silence the critics. (in our land of liberty and justice for all =this was cut).

For whatever reasons , genetic, birth order, environment, I have been railing against the injustice and unfairness of the world, but very meakly. I give myself all this credit just for mustering a letter! I bet most of us have railed, and like me, most of us get more caught up in the day-to-day of life and don't have the willpower to take action against the darkness. The local newspaper here, The San Francisco Chronicle, details the local daily shooting count, 74 so far this year. It's like Iraq, only it's gangs and robberies. It's nuts. Rats in a cage.

Back when we were idealistic and ignorant (the '70s), we thought we could save the planet from people. It was obvious that the closed ecosystem was the earth, so that was the biota you had to figure out. Sure you can save the banded dune snail or the grizzzly bear for now, but what about when there are 40 billion people. The wars for resources are only going to escalate, and it will be a real doozy when that resource we're fighting for is water.

Phil Caputo wrote in his short story 'Alone' (in Wild Stories)

"We pay a price for a consumer culture such as ours, a culture that demands its instant gratifications.....Our bodies pay a price.....We pay in lowered quality of our moral lives. The more we despoil the less civilized we become.... John Muir wrote that each alpine wildflower was a 'mirror reflecting the Creator.' Maybe you don't believe in a creator, so put it like this: Through that window we can see the grandeur in all creation, from atoms to
galaxies; we can catch at least a transforming glimpse of something bigger than ourselves, something ineffable to remind us that consumption isn't the point of being human."

I love America and what it stands for, the freedom and responsibility to shout out when something seems wrong. I am as guilty as anyone of succumbing to my need for gratification instead of trying to fight for one injustice to be fixed. It seems so overwhelming and hopeless these days, as we read about the raping and killing in Darfur, using half our tax dollars to destroy a country and then try to rebuild it while they try to kill us; the Taliban making a comeback in Afghanistan: Osama bin Laden getting a pedicure in Pakistan: war criminals hiding as faith healers in Serbia: albinos murdered for their 'magical' skin in Tanzania: liars and luddites that think drilling for oil today will change tomorrow's or next year's gas price.

The warning sign regarding dependence on foreign oil was put on the wall by Jimmy Carter and torn down by Reagan, rehung by George HW Bush and torn down by his ineptitudeness GWB. If this is a great country, it is time to see the obvious and start treating the earth as though we can't escape what we do to it. Look at those photos of Beijing; what is going to stop that? Certainly not driving a vehicle named for the Spanish fleet on the Pismo Dunes for fun.

We need visionaries, not status quotians. These guys are rebuilding their vision with siesta in the garden. 5 benches, 5 siestas. I did not wake them, it was 12:30.

Not sure what set off that 6am ramble, sorry about that. I think I must be feeling guilty because I had such a promising start to being a rabble-rouser, could've been huge, but I only turned into a mild rule-stretcher and really only when it suited me. Get mad global and have a Starbucks local. I am guilty of being ordinary, of committing ordinary acts of self-gratification. I console myself by looking at my two boys and hoping they will do great things, leave the place a little better than it is today, but then, they are playing XBox.

Turns out yesterday was Vincristine day, day 8 of chemo, 2 mg IV push, no big deal. My blood counts remain acceptable, and I was able to roam very freely yesterday, put 11778 steps on the pedometer (I only wear it when I am out walking, but I shuffle about looking at stuff - probably about 6 miles, not 8). My WBC is trending downward, so I expect to be back on the mask today. Dana did not come last night, it would have been ten pm by the time she got here so she stayed in a comfortable bed. I took an Atavan and an Ambien and slept from 11-5, like a baby.

Here is my Prednisone-induced eating schedule:

6:00 am fruit cup from yesterday, coffee

7:30 Breakfast - scrambled eggs, bacon, maybe potatoes, a scone, herb tea, coffee

10:00 Oatmeal from breakfast, banana, maybe bagel and cream cheese

12:00 Lunch - eat main course, set aside soup.

2:00 soup and crackers, fruit cup, Gatorade (starting to get hand and feet cramps)

4:30 Main dinner plate, set aside soup and dessert for 7:30.

7:30 Soup, dessert

I've thrown in a mocha from Starbucks the last couple of days, as my coffee consumption is down so much. Feed the Prednisone beast.
In reponse to many questions about Prednisone, this from Wikipedia:

"Prednisone is particularly effective as an immunosuppressant, and affects virtually all of the immune system. It can, therefore, be used in autoimmune diseases, inflammatory diseases (such as severe asthma, severe allergies, severe poison ivy
dermatitis, systemic lupus erythematosus, ulcerative colitis, rheumatoid arthritis, Bell's Palsy, Crohn's disease, pemphigus and sarcoidosis), various kidney
diseases including nephrotic syndrome, and to prevent and treat rejection in organ transplantation.
This medicine may also reduce the sex drive. Prednisone has also been used in the treatment of migraine headaches and cluster headaches."

I just got my Prednisone, it's 9:00 am, I am hooked up to the IV pole getting some potassium, 30 minutes. My WBCs are low enough that I am neutropenic and will have to wear the mask today, but that's alright, it needed to happen. I will change into some walking gear in a minute. I ran out of socks some days ago, so these are walking on their own, just about. Imagine guys walking 100s of miles with no shoes in winter, hauling everything to stay alive, and at the end of that march fighting a battle so that we could have free speech?

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.