Tethered and wired

Tethered to the IV pole, and wired on 120 mg of Prednisone. It is 6:00 am, and I've been up since 3:30, inventing new stuff for the patient, like the PICC-Pocket and the IV Camelback. The night nurse came in at 4:00 to give me Zofran, miracle anti-nausea drug and every chemo patient's best friend, and since I was awake she pulled blood from the IV for my daily tests. She was waking Dana while trying to get enough light to work with, but I opened this nifty little book light I was just about to use and Dana managed to get back to sleep.

Last night I was in an agitated state, because I was trying to maneuver around this room, with 2 chairs, my bed, Dana's cot, the old nursing technology, the new nursing laptop station, and every other damn thing in here, and I kept getting stuck on things. Each time I have to stop short before I yank the PICC line from my arm. Every time I move I have to think whether to turn left or right so the IV line wraps in front of me. I have to remember whether I am on battery or plugged in.

To make matters worse, yesterday was day 2 of Daunorubicin, which means pee-o-rama. You do not want the red death in your bladder any longer than is necessary, so I drink a bunch of water just before they give me those 87 mg, to make a pool in my bladder to dilute the stuff as it lands. They push it in through the PICC line, IV push, takes about 20 minutes. They are also pumping in saline (always) and magnesium because I am low.

Anyway, after my water cushion, the saline, the Daunorubicin, the magnesium, and then I start drinking more water, guess what? I have to pee like a race horse, every 30 minutes, with about a 2-minute warning. No holding this toxic blast, and it has to be in my bathroom because it is toxic, and it has to go in the cup not the toilet, and you don't want this stuff on you. When the nurse empties the peepot, they cover toilet with a disposable pad before they flush so they are not exposed to red death in the mist. I drank 10 glasses of water and 5 cups of other liquids after noon. I filled the 1000 cc peepots 5 times by day's end. Hooah. So, dancing through the room snagging on all the obstacles trying to get to the bathroom before I pissed myself and burned a hole in my leg had finally put me in a state of annoyance by day's end.

It was a funny day anyway. We read that they had DVDs at Guest Services, so we went to check that out. The gal there asked what types of movies we were interested in, so we asked to see the whole list. She came back with a Post-It with 9 movies on it! Criminy! Dana asked about the salon services that were bragged about in the guest services pamphlet as "available to patients and their families" and it turns out they can shave your head. Solidarnosc, Dana! She declined. Back in F-Ground, we were telling the receptionist the funny DVD story and she took us to a storage room in F-Ground where there were hundreds of VHS and maybe 50 DVDs, all just golly wompus in these bins. Turns out there is a VHS player in every room, in a cabinet marked 'Nursing Supplies.' Double crikey.

So Dana and I grabbed some DVDs and videos and came back to the snag zone of my room. I had to plug my IV pumper back in, as the battery was low, further limiting my mobility. I go to put the VHS in and discover there is an old tape stuck in there. I put on my surgical garb (a frown) and extract the tape by pushing Eject and yanking, like delivering a breach baby. We watched 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', which was just as good and weird as the first time. A true love story, just like Dana and me.

Another couple of days and I will be Chief Bull Goose Looney here. I had maintenance fix my leaky sink day 1. Yesterday I told them that they need to oil all the squeaky doors, especially the main hallway door right next to my room. With all the doors in the hospital you'd think they'd have a person just to lubricate things and keep it quiet, but the fact is, hospitals are noisy. There are big solid wooden doors on all the rooms, but the double squeaky banging hallway doors and the doctor/nurse cluster discussions going on overpower them. And this bed I am on pumps up and down whenever you move, trying to provide better support and customized firmness, so it is always groaning.

The other thing I notice now that comes with the new (since 2005) technology is the ambient light. I like to sleep in the dark. Even the light of the moon will wake me. The screensaver on the nursing laptop station 4 feet from my head turns on randomly (background programs), so I have been turning the monitor off when I go to sleep. There are also 2 lights I didn't notice last go around, one built into the wall and one mounted under my bed, presumably for safety. Here is my thought on that. I have a light switch on the nurse call box on my bed. I have a light next to my bed. The nurses turn on lights as needed. I can read the damn poster across the room with all the lights out! I think the nurses should put LEDs on the toes of their shoes if they need it, and maybe change out this old light with some LED for patient safety. Brian, Cecelia, you out there?

One more pee-o-rama day today, last of the Daunorubicin. Dana will go home today and come back midweek. I will rearrange the room to give me better pathways. I cause a lot of the snaggage problem myself with laptop, external HD and camera cables. Cyle, Kirstin and Barry will visit on Sunday, and Kirstin will bring chocolate chip cookies that you'd fight a bar full of Crips and Bloods to get to.

That sounds like a good name for a cookie, Crips and Bloods, or maybe Chips and Duds. That may be a good way to end gangs, humiliate them with takes on their names. New Chips 'n Duds from Crips and Bloods. Think they'd be pissed if I started a company called Crips and Bloods? Too bad, if I piss on them they die, or their kids are born with six eyeballs. Salad Maratrucha Dressing, only 13 grams of fat, brought to you by Newman's Own, all proceeds buy teddy bears for kids. Aryan Nation Newspaper, black and white and read all over, published by the ACLU! Let's just preempt all the stupid gang shit and maybe it would put a dent in the attractiveness to disadvantaged youth. Or not. We all know the answer, and that is to increase the opportunities. Enough rambling.

I like to sleep bare chested, but with the constant IV line I have to improvise, so I slide my shirt down the line and wrap it around the handle of the IV pole. I took an ambien last night to slug through the prednisone, and fell asleep reading. The night nurse came in for a vitals check a little later, and unbeknownst to me unhooked my IV and removed my shirt. When I got up at 4:30 to get some coffee I was mystified, couldn't figure out how my shirt had gotten off the IV pole.

I should have gone out to the patient kitchen shirtless, that would have taught them. When they took out my gallbladder they shaved the lower right 1/3rd of my stomach. Not pretty, and I lost the six-pack I thought was there somewhere in the 300 gallons of ice cream that killed my gallbladder. But I threw on a zip-up hoodie with the IV hanging out the sleeve and went out and asked Mendy how and where my shirt went, made an agreement to get a new shirt after a shower later, got some coffee, and I am typing topless in the dark while Dana snoozes away. I need a shower badly, so I will bust out the PICC sleeve in a minute and clean up. I last had a shower Tuesday, yuck, but I am not exactly doing any sweat work. Of course if they don't get these squeaky doors fixed, or I have fight a bunch of gang members here in the hospital, I might be sweating soon.