Dana painting on the patio.It is day 55, and I have not been in the Cancer Center since Friday, and don't have an appointment until 7am Wednesday. On Friday my weight had dropped to 165, and the docs are getting nervous about that, so they are urging me to eat more and more often. I am trying, but with little appetite. The incentive is if I lose any more weight they will want to scope me, take a peek at the whole tract, make sure everything is ok. So, I eat every three hours.
One of the women in our writing group just passed away. She had suffered long and hard with a rare form of appendiceal cancer, and I hope the rest of her journey is filled with glory.
When people are dying that you have known it brings death closer to your mind. I find myself lying in bed wondering if the pain in my back is my kidney or liver rebelling, and even though I can logic past it, the mere fact of the death of a fellow cancer warrior raises an awareness that takes time to scar over, a reminder that cancer can be fatal Just not for me. Not this time.
One of the women in our writing group just passed away. She had suffered long and hard with a rare form of appendiceal cancer, and I hope the rest of her journey is filled with glory.
When people are dying that you have known it brings death closer to your mind. I find myself lying in bed wondering if the pain in my back is my kidney or liver rebelling, and even though I can logic past it, the mere fact of the death of a fellow cancer warrior raises an awareness that takes time to scar over, a reminder that cancer can be fatal Just not for me. Not this time.
when I can't think up some oversimplified response on my own, I fall back on my earliest influence and (maybe screwy but great) inspiration...
ReplyDeleteone time Saroyan, when asked to what he owed such a long and prolific writing career, answered
"I suppose eating helped a little."
MANGE!!!
John,
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry to hear about your friend from the writing group. Don't let it get you down buddy. Remember, one day at a time or, in your case, six more meals. If there are any turkeys reading this, they're heading for the hills.
I hope the weight issue is simply your body trying to figure out how to successfully incorporate all the crazy stuff it's taking in.
Mac
good luck today, Slim--let us know how you make out (bad choice of words
ReplyDeleteand Mac sure wish you lived closer so you and TLW could mooch off us--will lift my long necked rolling rock to your wine glass as I you yell at the Tide and I listen to make sure the dump is still closed on Thanksgiving...
John you are well on your way to the day we all chip in and send you a whole case of doctors
It's hope again... hoping that your weight loss doesn't prevent your trek home for Thanksgiving. Hoping that food begins to smell, taste and feel like freedom, health and love. And that your body grows in strength. You are an awesome inspiration and you are getting stronger everyday!
ReplyDeleteThanks Pat. I wish I were somehow closer to all of you.
ReplyDeleteDown here in Dixie, the popular thing to do with the turkey on Thanksgiving is to deep fry it. It's recommended to be done outdoors with a special propane fryer. But do watch the news on Friday to see how many trailers burn down because Bubba fired that booger up in the living room so he could watch the game. Talk about a carbon footprint - WOW ! ! !
John, fatten yourself up tomorrow.
I wish you all a very Happy, Healthy and Safe Thanksgiving.
Mac
Dear John,When I read your blog it reminds me of a story my Uncle Tommy told me. He's the uncle that owned Mr.D's Deli across from the Hartford Projects. A University of Rome med school drop out draft dodger, who spent much of his life feeding and doctoring the poor. I loved and respected him. The story goes, he was in the hospital waiting for cancer treatment for advanced colon cancer and he turned to the stranger sitting next to him, another cancer patient. He asked "Would you kill an ant?" The man looked him straight in the eyes and said "Never". Few people see life as you do now, unfiltered and uncluttered by things, every day facing the real questions that others keep at bay. You and your family live on the front line, yet you choose to reach out and share with all of us who are graced with your wonderful writing. Thank you. Love, your friend Earl
ReplyDeleteDear John,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your friend. Remember there are a lot of survivors out there and they were warriors just like you before they were pronounced survivor..You will get there. Our prayers are with you and I for one am Thankful you are my friend.
Mar
Hay John
ReplyDeleteI too have tough time eating for other reasons but I understand your battle as u know. Remember that we are not in control and the Lord is and He will fight these battles so you can heal...hard to do both so I always say give it all to Him daily and allow Him to lighten my burden/worries. I continue to pray for your healing. When I hit my first golf ball or surf my first wave, I will tell u what it is like as I miss those too. "New normal" I know and so thankful we are here!