Care for a Slice?

Last night my doc came in about 8:00 pm, and said he had looked at the CT scan from 2 days earlier, and he did not see any masses in my pancreas. !!!!!!! Before we get too jubilant, he wants to put that scan side-by-side with the scan from two weeks ago and really stare it down. Also, the recent scan shows four spots forming on my lungs. Since it is unlikely that new cancer formed while I was getting chemotherapy, it is most likely a fungal infection. Test results have shown Candida albicans in my sputum, but that fungus is also common in the mouth, as ‘thrush,’ so this is not definitive.

This does mean some change in course. The infection in the lungs must be dealt with first, so we are testing and treating with different anti-fungals. We will be serving a nice pizzaioli funghelli this Friday, so sign up quick, especially you Mike F., know how you love the fungi.

The pizza party means that we stall the next chemo treatment until all the pie is gone, which is too bad since we had good results, and which is not bad because I was dreading going through this again. I just don’t want to lose our progress, and at the same time I was thinking if I had to do this again real soon it might kill me.
None of this very definitive as yet, and my doc is working diligently. He came back from Army Reserve in Alaska and jumped right into his patient list and then hospital list. He and his partners are overworked and stressing their family lives, and I am glad they’re on my side.

My blood counts are coming back, WBC at 2.4, RBC at3.36, platelets at 8. I am getting a transfusion of platelets right now. I think the hair will start falling out this weekend, only few hairs on the tug test. I ate pancakes and ham for breakfast, and it was OK, a little dry, so my mouth is recovering. I have been living on yogurt and oatmeal and Ensure, and amazingly have not lost any weight. Maybe it’s the limited pooping.

I am still keeping most visitors out, and Dana and I are enforcing the closed doors policy. The WBCs are getting close to minimal normal, so I hope to go home before I lose my single room.

I had to make this to keep it all straight:

Chronology of events
4/19 check into hosp. for chemo.; methotrexate, 6000mg
4/19 cytarabine, 4000 mg
4/20 cytarabine, 4000 mg
4/20 cytarabine, 4000 mg
4/21 cytarabine, 4000 mg
4/22 check out 8am but by the afternoon 102.8 fever, collapse, back to hosp. ER 8:30 pm, re-admitted 11:00 pm
4/23-4/25 in hosp. battling fevers (from chemo. or infection)
4/25 released from hosp.
4/26 Brother Frankie arrives to help--feeling pretty good mostly
4/29 Starting to head towards nadir, feeling weak and tired, mouth sores
4/30 wake with 101.5 fever, Dana calls doc who says go to ER. Preparing to go I collapse onto floor; thanks to Frank and Dana for catching me.
Ambulance ride to hospital.
5/1-3 Still in the hospital at nadir--this is the worst of it
5/4- present I am still in hospital but getting better. Maybe out Friday.

Steady On

Out of emotion, no exulting,
no tumbling, no yelling,
no passion, stay clinical.
It’s all getting so timeworn,
I should be feeling more feelings.
But I am still stuck in here,
my legs are weak, my back hurts,
and I don’t want to get elated
and then thrashed,
so I will keep it all tamped down for now,
and you should too.