A post from John! He was obviously feeling better today. Fingers crossed that we've seen the worst of the first round. Dana...
Here's John:
Life is so full of wonderful moments, and each of them make the path to dying easier.
My son just came by to visit, and we were making idle chatter, and I was trying to offer any support I could give for what we are going through. He pondered our lives together, and he said he had no issues, no regrets, and I started thinking of all the golden moments.
I remember him blessing me with meconium poop when he was hours old, and the blessings just kept coming. I started remembering these special moments aloud, and the tears started flowing out of me, and he came to hug me and join in a cathartic moment. Wow, I think he’ll be okay.
Lots of action today. I had a sharp pain, like a bruised right rib, at 12 last night, so of course I instantly get the EEG. Third time in 2 weeks. No heart problems until I start removing the stickies. Yowza. Today they removed the PICC line just in case it is infected. I got the first shower in a week, fresh clothes and linens. It sounds morbid, but Dana and I worked on the Last Will and Testament, which is more work than I thought. I can’t decide which piece of Jade to give Lia. And who wants my underwear? Johnny?
It was good to see John over the weekend, he seems to be doing well, but he does need new underwear. I have been drifting in and out of fevers. My blood counts are creeping upward, still neutropenic. My mouth is killing me, so don’t call, I ain’t answering. Also, I know that Dana was critical of the local hospital because they don’t do things as they were done at Stanford. Dana is very much the women defending her man, letting every one know that we have power and knowledge, and we’re not afraid to use it.
In defense of this Hospital, it is a small regional hospital that offers a wide range of services to the community. They get a limited number of patients like me every year. It will be ok. The up side of being here is that I get to be near to friends and family.
The way has been swept of thorns and burrs,
and a carpet of goose feathers and talcum
sprinkled where I walk the path.
These physical pains I have along the way
are only reminders, of the golden moments that I shared
with all of you along the way.
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You never cease to amaze me! Keep fighting.
ReplyDeleteJennJenn
Hope this means that it is the start of getting better. You deserve it.....sending lots and lots of warm, healing thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)) Terri Messina
ReplyDeleteDamn it, I wore make-up today and then you have to go and make me cry with your path to dying chatter. Man, you want something to really scare you, you should see me with black mascara and eyeliner smeared around my eyes. NO, not a good idea because you would probably misidentify me as the death shadow and the warrior in you would cut me right in half.
ReplyDeleteGreat to read your words again. I am so sorry you feel like crap, and I wish you did not have to return to this place, but what a lift of spirit you provide with your take on this battle. I think of all the unknown people who will read these words and gain courage to fight their own battles, be it cancer or something else. Thanks for sharing your battlefield experience. I think I should quote something from Charge of the Light Brigade but all I can recall is the title...
A blog entry by you, John, is indeed “a giant leap for mankind.”
ReplyDeleteHoly knickers, Batman. Thank you, but I have enough old underwear of my own. Besides, I may still have a box of that stuff in the garage from when you sent me the porcelain Holy Cow that got broken in transit.
Okay, so I think you and Dana are calling us off our war on the local hospital. We have all pulled back the troops. But y’all let them know, if they screw with you again, there’s sum major BSTH-in comin their way. Don’t make me come over there.
Mac
John,
ReplyDeleteYou make me cry...I love your blogs, you have such a way with words for such a pain in the butt guy...Stay strong, fight with everything you got...we love you man...
Tracy & Mary
John, I do not understand how you maintain such elegance and poetry when in the throws this horrible onslaught. You words shook me to my core. Many more golden moments for you to come! Love to you and Dana,
ReplyDeleteJanice
John: We are all there with you in spirit, you hold us all up even as we hold you up, when you breathe, we all can breathe again too, your heart beat keeps ours going, your laughter keeps us laughing too. When we need courage, you show us how to have and keep it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's dark now, there's a faint but rising glow on the far horizon-it must be the glad new day that's coming as you walk away from this illness once and for all. love, an admirer
John and Dana, My thoughts are with you and your family. Eileen
ReplyDeleteHope is the Thing with Feathers
By Emily Dickinson
"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea,
Yet never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
somehow I found myself on youtube listening to roy orbison, california dreaming.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmuhPFHEbJo&feature=related. crying with k.d.lang was real good too.
ReplyDeleteI had been thinking about
steven Hawkins, the physicist who said not to search out other life forms in the universe. He said it was risky business. I read some where, someone postulated that viruses and bacteria might be alien life forms. Well, anyway I got into a conversation with a boat owner,customer who tells me in reply, that william s boroughs said that
language was a virus. Contagious, spread by mouth? I stopped talking and continued working.
somethings I didn't choose, but I choose to remember and cherish them anyway.
because, time slips buy so quietly
i stood on the shore as the wind blew
offshore
and the shadows grew in length
to watch my son who has grown in years
and his friend surf
it was a silent film
in technicolor
with ambient ocean sounds
waves crashing and gurgling
wind rustling in the sea grass
sand shifting underfoot
we made small talk
and joked walking down the beach together