God

‘God is a concept by which we measure our pain.’ John Lennon

Lennon explained to Rolling Stone that, "pain is the pain we go through all the time," Then added: "You're born in pain. Pain is what we are in most of the time, and I think that the bigger the pain, the more God you look for." Maybe he was right, because I have been thinking about God much more in the last 8 months, trying to reconcile how I felt about God concepts.

I woke up early this morning, and I was tossing around all that I don’t know and can never know about God. Many, many people have offered to pray with me, to offer up their connectivity to God, in an effort to heal me. My brother has enlisted thousands of Hispanic women in southern New Mexico to pray for me, and my Mom has her entire condo complex and her church praying for me. Many of my friends and supporters are praying for my return to health, and I am happy they are all doing so. I feel supported and loved.

In one study reported in the New York Times, being prayed for by strangers made you less healthy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/31/health/31pray.html?_r=1&ei=5070&en=2d2202b52abff4f4&ex=1143954000&pagewanted=print
I do not believe strangers can harm someone by praying for them, but more that the unhealthy person being prayed for feels unhealthier because so many people are praying for them, therefore they are really sick.

I am not a religious person, and I do not intend to offend any of you that are. My concept of God is of an all-knowing, all-powerful and all-present entity, within me, within you, within everything. An incomprehensible entity. When I pray to God, I am asking for the God within me to help me face my fears and guide me in my choices.

I have met people on this journey that seemed to be more connected to God, something in their aura, their empathy. A few were religious, others not. The local chaplain came in when I first went into the hospital recently, and said that he saw I had stated ‘no religion.’ He asked if I was atheist, and I said no, only spiritual. He told me I was agnostic, and that meant I was without knowledge, as ‘gnos’ is the latin root for knowledge. I suppose he is correct, except he said it meant I had no knowledge of Christ.

According to Wikipedia:
Agnosticism is the view that the truth value of certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity, but also other religious and metaphysical claims—is unknown or unknowable.

Gnosticism (Greek: γνῶσις gnōsis, knowledge) refers to diverse, syncretistic religious movements in antiquity consisting of various belief systems generally united in the teaching that the cosmos was created by an imperfect god, the demiurge with some of the supreme God's pneuma; this being is frequently identified with the Abrahamic God, (as opposed to the Gospel according to the Hebrews)

So given that I cannot conceive of an imperfect God, if you must categorize me, call me agnostic. The chaplain also told me that of the major religions, Christianity was the one that offered hope, because they have never found the body of Christ, therefore he still walks among us. I find it hard to believe that in these times, Christ has not spoken up. The chaplain left me with the feeling that he was trying to win an argument, and I disappointed him by not engaging. I did not get any feeling from him that he cared about my soul.

I have met people on this journey that seemed to hold a special connection to the God within us and around us, who had an aura of empathy and of caring. When I was in the hospital a few weeks ago, I had a nurse that was very efficient and very soft-spoken. She knew that I was struggling with my illness, and one morning around 3am she came to take vitals, and I was awake. When she finished her tasks she asked, ‘Will you pray with me?’ I said yes, and she took my hand in hers, and I prayed, ‘God, please grant us the wisdom to save our earth from the ravages of man, to save people from themselves.’ Or something like that. I looked at her and thought, ‘She is an angel!’ She was very beautiful, perfect in every way, Filipina, with hair like silk and tawny skin, almond eyes. In her accented English, she prayed for my healing, and for a place for me in heaven, and closed with an Our Father. I tried to remember that prayer, and mostly succeeded.

When she left I felt she had helped me open the lines to the God within me. I have met other people like her, that seem more connected, and some of those I have met are religious people. The problem I have with religion is not with individuals, it is with a religion’s belief systems. Go forth and multiply; ignore the impact on your planet.

Historically, religion has caused, and still causes, great pain and suffering worldwide. The great religions seem locked in a war to conquer the earth for their belief system, by spreading their word over other words, by killing indigenous peoples with disease, by crusades and inquisitions, by outright wars. When our Christian president declared war on Iraq, based on incorrect information that there were WMDs and a link to Al Qaeda, he ignored ‘Thou shalt not kill.’ He opened Pandora’s Box, and now the Sunnis and the Shiites are killing each other for their religions. The Jewish people have been put through all sorts of misery for their beliefs.

There have been seven years without war worldwide in the last 2000. These wars are fought for property, domination and religion. So I am unable to embrace any religion, but rather just to embrace God as I know God, omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, incomprehensible. I thank God for this fabulous planet and this great life, and pray that we don’t destroy it. God created this fantastic universe, with billions of galaxies, trillions of solar systems, and we are supposed to evolve gracefully here on earth, but are struggling. Pray for mankind to wake up and stop the destruction.

Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

I wrote all that yesterday, and now it is Sunday. I ran a nice fever of 100.8 and had chills last night, and have chills now even though it is 72 degrees in here. I am so weak I can barely get off the toilet. That doesn't matter, par for the course (of chemo), because the Celtics are playing in Orlando in one hour. Go Celtics!