I feel much better today. I ran a slight fever last night, maybe hit 100, but really no problem. Got back into the old routine today in spite of a slight head cold. I am feeling quite kinked up from laying in bed for 2 days straight, my back is in knots, and I am getting these strange hand cramps. I asked the docs about the hand crfamps this morning and they don’t think it is chemo related, but maybe some other reaction like protein or magnesium. They did say that my white blood cell count is on the rise, a little earlier than expected, and that is good news. I had a healthy breakfast, eggs and oatmeal, did some yoga to battle the back thing, and went to a Zen room meditation class, more on that.
Technical Blood Stuff
I just got copies of the last 8 days of blood counts, and you can certainly track the effects of chemo slamming the blood functions, white blood cells bottoming out at .3 instead of a healthy 4-11, hemoglobin at 7.6 instead of 14-18, hematocrit at 22.1 instead of 40-52, platelets at 8 instead of 150-400(!). WBC is now at .6, hemoglobin at 10.6, hematocrit at 31.1 and platelets at 20. Check this picture of a bruise, I got this bruise the first day here, I think from resting my arm on the chair armrest or maybe from the gurney in the ambulance.
No platelets, the bruise stays. Doesn’t hurt, just won’t go away. And I normally never bruise unless hit with a 2x4. You can obviously see the Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter (PICC) also. The blue line runs intravenously up my arm, across the shoulder and clavicle down to open directly at the heart, where the chemo can be diluted by the heart before spreading.
Guided Imagery class
I went to this class at the Stanford Cancer Center in Guided Imagery and healing, not really knowing what to expect. Remember in the movie Poltergeist when the psychic lady ‘clears’ the house? The woman running the class reminded me of her, probably mostly because she was petite with a lot of presence. Anyway, I was the only one there for the first ten minutes and we talked about the class, which sounded like the relaxation techniques they use in yoga (when you hear the really relaxed guys snoring). Eventually two women join us, one that has fully recovered from ovarian cancer and one that has just been biopsied, I mean like an hour ago, with breast cancer. So the leader starts talking us through relaxation, let the muscles relax, very yoga-like. Only thing is I have on this HEPA filter thing and it seems like I am having to fight past that, I am very aware of the pressure on my face.
She has us go to a safe peaceful place, and I choose St. Anne’s in Shell Beach. Usually I pick the Sierras, but my breathing is labored on the uphill so I stay at sea level. I tried out a meadow in King’s Canyon too, and may have stayed there awhile, but I was thinking about the hotel that used to be there. How relaxed can I be, I wonder, I am jumping all around trying to find this damn serenity? So anyway, I am listening to the waves, she is talking away but I don’t really hear her until she says ‘And now you are in a very powerful healing place’, and BAM, like they flipped on a hundred white lights and surged juice through me, I feel like I am healing, like my bone marrow has leapt to life and is pumping mature cells out! Hard to describe, but if she had said ‘You are a whale and you are breaching’ I would have leapt through the window and slapped my tail on the roof. It was very strange.
She then brings us out of it, and I say that because she must have had me hypnotized. She asks what village we went to, she brought us to some village, and I never went anywhere near a village, never saw another human. I told her what had happened, and she suggests that I may have gone under deeply because I was fighting the HEPA mask, not in spite of it. Gotta try that again, way better than compazine.
When I got back here I scarfed a nice big lunch, sucked down some chemo, and then tried to do some beading that Melanie had sent me. Well, the stupid crab hand cramp thing does not lend itself to beading, so that is going to have to wait for the right chemistry. Now I get to watch rich Republicans play golf way better than I ever will, or you either, and all for huge sums of money. So, sniff someone’s head for me, snuggle the spouse, pet the dog. Bubble Boy signing off.
so John, here I am thinking you are finally writing a book when in fact maybe your next career will be in decorating...speaking of which, I love the mobile. even looking at it in a photo makes me feel--dare I say it? let's see you are 3000mi away and isolated I think I will--less jaded.
ReplyDeleteso in a few days will your hair fall out? Maurice is growing for locks of love if you want a gray wig. or some fishing line for your next mobile.
Why dincha make a manly muscle for that arm photo? Don't be shy now.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Spud
Wow, that description of going to a healing place is powerful stuff-I wonder if that is a technique that you can bring on yourself without the intermediary being around. Praps you have tapped into some kind of cosmic mental wormhole into where your inner happy (and activist) spirit is working behind the scenes to reboot your cellular processes. Did you see you or did you just see? It also seems like your body somehow knew that without a WBC count it had to fire up the fever to cook the invaders, Does this mean you could (deliberately?) activate autonomous processes like fever?Seems almost like a subconscious-level but fully alert battlefield commander.
ReplyDeleteOK so after I read your blog I decided to take a good sniff of my dog (Peaches) fur-guess what, it has been at least 6 weeks since she tangled with that skunk but I still caught a faint whiff. Thanks, love F
WOW Man, that was weird stuff with that class you went to. The only time I ever feel like that is when I have a 2nd martini and a Cuban cigar.
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so glad the blood makeup is moving in the direction of the flagstick (a Republican golf analogy). Speaking of which, I was out doing Republican golf this AM and lost twenty bucks in the process. Now the cats can't eat for another week. Each time someone rolled in a put on me, I made that skinny, hungry cat-crying noise. The bastards didn't even care that my furry little buddies are going hungry. They're all Republicans.
Hey, I need to get The Little Woman to take a picture of my face and send it to you for a good laugh. I've been doing that chemo cream skin cancer shit for almost 4 wks now and I have nothing but this huge scab above my neck; very attractive. I was in the grocery store yesterday and this little girl said, "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face?" I threw the little prick in the freezer and said, "Mommy, your daugher's stuck in there between the sherbert and the popcicles." I don't think I can go back there any more. That's okay, they had shitty New York Strips there any way. Plus, there's all that little girl hair in the ice cream freezer now.
Well buddy, I gotta go and see if I can figure out how to get my face into the toilet bowl. I figured out that the whirlpool action will be the only thing that can aleviate the discomfort.
Hit em straight and keep the wind to your back.
Mac
Kinda funny that my bro, who had the skin treatment you're getting Mac, comments just above you. Frankie, what can Mac do about taht itch? I am surprised you are out golfing with that skin, you have a big hat? DO what Frank suggests and marshall the inner forces (I didn't see me, just the BAM)to create a cosmic toilet bowl about the head - see the white hat pics I post tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteOMGawd...hopefully those will be photos of a CLEAN white hat!
ReplyDeleteSpud