I find out and tell my friends and family

2/19 - I was shooting emails to all my friends and family, but it has been suggested that I BLOG this, and I have time so I am experimenting. I am just going to copy the beginning emails for continuity and because I am lazy, and start blogging from this point. Just some FYI, I am a 49 year old white guy, happily married for almost 20 years with 2 teenage boys, living on the central coast of CA. Life was chugging along when all of a sudden I had leukemia!

2/10 Hey all youse guys,

I have some news, whole bunches of it. I got tired of being retired, and in January found a job that suited me perfectly. A very small company (4 people) here in Pismo Beach (15 miles) is the producer for the Peking Acrobats, the Moscow Boys Choir and some smaller acts, and the man that started the company 47 years ago was looking for an operations manager with the goal of retiring and that Ops Mgr taking over the biz. Low pay to start with an equity payoff, perfect, and I took it, starting March 1.

Naturally, I have been having a great time being retired for the last 3 1/2+ years, and being the conniving bastard I am, started plotting ways, unbeknownst to myself, to stay retired. Psychosomatics work, and because they do, here I am at the Stanford University Medical Center, being treated for leukemia! I agree this was a radical solution to not working, and kind of pisses me off, but it is what it is.

I will try to answer your questions in no particular order.

I have pre B Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Usually in kids (no comments), ~90% will go into remission with chemo, 65% chance of long-term remission depending on other factors. I think my chances go up because I am under 60 and in decent health, and have one of the best treatment centers. Cigarettes have nothing to do with it, depending on who you believe, and I haven't had one since Wed. The only thing that could screw this is if I test positive for the Phila. chromosome, pretty rare, but in which case chemo is useless and you go straight to bone marrow transplant. I will know about that next week.

I started chemo yesterday, 4 drugs with a fifth coming in a week. I sucked it all in with no effects like puking, asked for more with a shot of steroids, then went dancing, got in a fight and woke up in jail. Not really, but I had none of the ill effects of chemo yet.

This all started about a month ago when I noticed shortness of breath, weak legs, head rushes (no comments), and tinnitus (pulse in my ears). I was on some meds for other things (alright Donald and Randy, wellbutrin to quit smoking and strattera for ADD, ha ha ha fuck you, you were right). So, I attributed these symptoms to those meds, started to taper off them, but didn't get better. 10 days ago I went surfing with Beauch, and could barely get back in. The next day we went golfing, first time for me since last April due to tennis elbow, and I could barely walk the course. So, Tuesday I went to see my doc and he ordered blood tests, which I went and had on Wed. am.

An hour later the doc calls back and tells me I am anemic, I should go to the ER right away. I said geez, how about some geritol, but he insisted since I had no red blood cells, no white blood cells, no platelets, no nada. So I went. The docs at ER redid the blood tests and said 'Holy shit, looks like leukemia, let's get you checked in and get your counts back up before you croak'. I was all for that, so away we went. Now when they said leukemia, I thought hey, that's some kids' cancer thing, but was wrong again.

That afternoon, Wed, they did a bone marrow biopsy, sounds painful but isn't, and the hematopathologist (blood dude) said sure enough, leukemia, you should go to Stanford right away. He had interned at Stanford and knew this was the place to be, so we hooked it all up and the next day, the ambulance drove me up here, Dana followed in her car, and I am sitting at a terminal with a HEPA filter mask on typing this.

I am going to be here 4 weeks in intensive chemo, all my hair is going to fall out (oh my beautiful hair!), the prednisone is making my penis grow to enormous lengths, 1/2 of Earl size or more, but my sperm, pee and poop are toxic as all hell. I feel better now than a month ago, since I have blood, but I expect to feel lousy soon. The chemo is somewhat cumulative, but I am reacting to it fine so far, as I said. Assuming I go into remission in the 4 week period, I get to go home and go through an 8 month treatment through the local hospital that is strong enough that you can't really work, and then a 2 year treatment that allows you to work but what is the point by then.

I am in a cancer ward that is very isolationist; double doors into my room, HEPA filters on the air system, wash your hands for 10 seconds before entering my room, no flowers, no fruits (meaning edible, it is the bay area), or germs of any type, and I have to wear a HEPA mask out of my room, for my good Pat, not the other people. Dana is staying with me in a cot whenever she wants, I guess she is germ free! She is at the local mall right now looking for an electric razor cause I can't use a blade. She will leave Monday. Her sisters are taking turns staying with the kids, and we have tons of offers for whatever help we need.

I have a nice private room, but it needs internet access. My cell phone doesn't work well at all, we are below street level and Stanford is a huge campus with large bldgs.

You can't send me flowers, I hate balloons, I have 4 books, there is no DVD or VCR, this place has a library, Zen room, music concerts, massages, internet cafes, and probably hookers and a green room if I look hard enough. In other words, I don't really need for anything cept to hear from you and email is fine. I expect Dana and the boys will be up on weekends at least, and the head of Safety and Health here is a friend of mine who will visit on weeknights, so I won't be too lonely.

OK, that is the scoop, I can't write much more now because this mask is killing me and I have to go shoot toxic pee into a jug to be measured. I plan to journalize a lot and send out lots of emails, so I'll be in touch.